MAGGIE, CAROLINA, CLAIRE, AND KAYA

11/17/07 - Varkala Beach

Ale and Jessica had to get back to Bangalore for some things, so now the group
had winded it’s way on down to Nishal and I. Today I focused on getting
a new bag as I sent a bag full of around 30 pounds of items back with Ale to
hold in the Bangalore Ashram.

For some reason, in the evening time, Nishal and I parted ways and I went up
to the cliff to play some guitar and mingle with some people, one of the things
that I miss most about traveling in a group. As I was walking and strumming
a tune, I was caught by the attention of an American girl from Portland whom
asked me to play a song. Instantly, we began to talk about many of the issues
back home, our reasons for traveling and our yogic studies. She was sweet, quick
witted like many in our culture, and well worth having a conversation with.
We ended up hanging out for the rest of the evening and playing music and sharing
in each other’s space. She had a spacious room in which her roommate had
linked up with a local Indian Man and was never home, so, Maggie, was in this
room all by herself most of the time. The interior design of the room was hilarious.
The main image on the wall was that of a naked mermaid sitting on a rock over
the ocean. The greatest thing was that this was not just artwork but actual
molding and sculpting in the wall.

For the first time in India, I was actually sexually aroused and in an extremely
innocent but deeply connected way, I shared these feeling with my new friend.

The experience was interesting, and for some reason, felt completely empty even
though we barred all possibility of sexual intercourse. India, for some reason,
does not inspire my human-to-human sexual contact. This would become an innate
factor in the time to come. I ended up spending the night.

 

11/18/07 - Varkala Beach - Kovalem - Varkala Beach

I woke up early and came home to a cozy and comfortable Nishal sleeping comfortably.
He had spent the evening arranging his travels beyond and was planning to leave
the next morning. But, today, we would have one last adventure together.

Over the past few days after our trip to Kanyakumari, I have been on an outright
search for a motorcycle. Dinesh, one of the men who work downstairs in the Hotel
had arranged for around 10 bikes to come to the hotel throughout the few days
that I was there. About the 3rd or 4th bike that came was a majestic blue color
that was right around the price range that I was inquiring. I did not want to
spend more then 25,000 rupees or about $650 on the bike and this one fell into
that category. The actual outer shell of the bike could have used a little work
at many things were rusted and worn but for some reason my heart and soul fell
into this vehicle. You really can’t explain the connection between a man
and his vehicle, instant soul mates. The bike ran like a champion and purred
like a large cat. To build my interest I was able to take it on a test journey,
50Km south back to Kovalem. The same man that rented us the scooter was arranging
a couple of newer Enfield bikes for me to come and have a look at. We arrived
with no problem, waited for the man to bring the bikes and enjoyed an incredible
ocean view meal in the mean time. Nishal and I would have an extremely strong
connection and we bonded like soul brothers. I am really going to miss traveling
with a man with such a similar outlook on life and an incredibly tender heart.
Him and I were complete mirrors for one another, coming from a background of
pure indulgence in the senses. We shared in much detail on our past journeys
and our new journeys into the life of the great path of purity. We are on that
path and recognized our faults and our strengths in our exchange. He will become
an excellent yoga instructor, guaranteed. What a blessing.

During the meal I prayed, asking the Great Divine to show me the way with the
bike. If the one that I have ventured down with is the right one for me then
there will be an obstruction to the showing of the newer, aesthetically pleasing
bikes. God did the work. After a long meal, we arrived back to the man telling
me he would not be able to bring the bike until later on in the evening, and,
not wanting to drive at night again and risk my life, we chose to leave with
the decision made. On our way back, we ventured into the unknown, getting lost.

I think this will become my favorite thing to do in the coming days while riding
on a motorcycle. On this specific journey, we took a wrong, or right, turn and
ended up landing on the most surreal lake during sunset. Honestly, I had never
witnessed anything quite like it. Still as glass, reflective as a mirror, and
pure as the ocean, this wonder of nature sat before us in the evening light.
In the extended distance, far beyond the lake, the typical sound of a temple
blaring through a blown out speaker, painted the environment. We were touched,
silenced by the purity of the experience. One in which your are grateful to
experience for lifetimes. Most people would never have the opportunity to experience
the bliss of landing upon an image of nature’s perfect gift. People travel
on roads that have been overexposed for many years being lined with trash and
the energy of the traveling state of mind. To experience such a sight brought
tears of gratitude. We smiled deeply and moved on.

Which One Is Real?

The evening would remain full of reflection, like the stillness of our enchanted
experience.

11/19/07 Varkala

Woke up a little later today and instantly my roommate was in go mode, ready
to take the next step of his journey. For a second, I felt the need to keep
him around as we enjoyed our time so much the evening before. His passion for
leaving was too strong to be handled, so I drove him to the train to look at
times. Any excuse to take Love out for a spin is a chance I will take. Also,
I took the opportunity to extract some funds and purchase a bag for the journey.
When we got back, we had an incredible conversation with our hotel owner about
The Path and Ashrams and the inner Guru in all of us. It was a breath of fresh
air, as my mind can play that small-minded trick on occasion. Then I got him
to the train station, met a man named A-SHIT-KAN, smiled and laughed with my
great South African Friend until his Train would arrive. I truly will miss the
mirroring that was shared with my great friend. We were great teachers for one
another. I am grateful and honored for the exchange and am certain we will remain
close throughout the remainder of our lives.

After our goodbyes, I rode back into my home and started finishing the details
of my bike purchase. I had a chance to meet with the prior owner and he was
more then sweet. We worked out all the paperwork and got things settled and
I gave him a healthy down payment for the exchange.

The whole process of purchasing this bike has gone extremely smooth. It is so
nice to be working with trust-worthy, English speaking people. I don’t
think that I could have done it any other way. I have been treated like a family
member through this exchange and I feel like I am being looked after like a
little brother. Dinesh, has spent hours walking through the whole process with
me, even to the point of telling me to not take the bike, out of severe frustration
on my constant and eager questioning. I am like Sherlock Holmes on this mission,
searching for the one thing that can lead me to think that they are screwing
me. The thing is, they are not. I genuinely believe from all my heart that I
am dealing with honest, caring souls. The best thing is that I can call on them
at any time if I need anything. Oh so grateful to the Divine!!
While in the final stages of the transaction, I stepped outside to grab something
and it was the fresh familiar face of Maggie, the sweet American girl I met
a few nights back. She quaintly said, “Are you coming to lunch with me.”
And I replied, “ Of course!” So we walked a few Kilometers into
town and got a 9 item Karela meal for a mere 21 Rupees. That would be $.50 for
anyone that does not know. It was full of flavor and full of South Indian Fire
and charm. We enjoyed and conversed with a North Indian Couple that invited
us for dinner the next evening. On the way back we stopped for luscious fruit
and meandered back to the beach. It was not 3pm and all I truly wanted to accomplish
ASAP was diving in the sultry Lakshadweep Sea.

So, for the next 3 hours we slowly made our way through town, up the cliff and
into the ocean by 6pm. We stopped for shopping, conversed with a few locals,
met with a few friends, drank some water and met with some more friends. Just
like a local village life. When I finally hit the ocean, it was one of those
feelings that you can only get when delayed the sensory pleasure for an extended
amount of time. Like a cozy fireplace after a long walk in the snow, or lemonade
on a hot day, I indulged in the warm sea. We spent about an hour, talking and
chasing waves with our British friend and then we shared in a few tunes and
talked about the flow of life. All three of us have taken the plunge into this
great land on one-way tickets. Each and every day, our itinerary changes, and
each and every moment, we feel the bliss of societal freedom. We discussed the
inner workings of various cultures and we expressed our gratitude for the experiences
we are living and the magnitude of fear you must overcome to take a leap of
this stature. I also learned that the folks in Britain are able to live out
here for years on the money that they have. The pound is worth double. Come
on America, please get it together.

We left the beach well after dark and continued down the cliff where we would
bump into the harmonica king.

Together we would converse in some song and then he would promote his albums
and upcoming projects. Then I tuned out for a while and tried to play along
with what was blasting on the radio. I caught on nicely and was proud. This
is something I need some serious work with. Afterward, we conversed with some
friends again, went and had some lovely fruit and nuts and then I had the intuition
to leave. There was a big storm coming. I could see the lightning and hear the
thunder. With my guitar, I hurriedly walked out of the door and out onto the
cliff. For the first 100 meters things were fine, but the lightning was close.
Then, within a few moments, downpour. Now, my walk from the cliffs to my place
is over 1 km with a long stretch of it being an open parking lot in which there
is a helicopter-landing pad. OK, to put it honestly, I am scared shitless. The
lightning was flashing like a sold out concert at The Garden, and the thunder
is pounding the deepest roots of my soul. I see two visitors making there way
to the Heli Pad and I quickly catch up to them, hoping that if I am with a couple
of other bodies, we could all experience being struck together. So as we walk,
the lightning is striking directly overhead and rain is pouring down. The reason
that I knew the lightning was striking overhead was because the thunder came
IMMEDIATELY after each bolt. For some reason my mind had created the fantasy
that my guitar was like a metal rod so I took it off my shoulders and carried
it by my side. Finally, we made it past the Heli pad, with, of course, a few
years shed off our lives due to the anxiety of electrical death possibilities.
The next mission was the long stretch of beach and the long road back to my
place. The beach part beckoned tears as the lightning continually lit up the
sky like fireworks. Then the stretch of road to my house, SOLO. I hung by the
trees and steadily, filled with mental disruption, scampered my way back to
the Bohemian Masala. When I arrived the whole place was in frenzy. Susan, the
owner told me to shut down my computer, turn off all the electricity. She also
told me the lightning would come inside the house and take out your electronics.
For some reason, I trusted what she said and just sat there for a while, taking
in the reality of these violent electrical storms. WOW. I really have never
been in something so heart pounding and mind altering for some time. I made
it out alive, Thank God!!

To offset the madness, we played music and made up songs for a couple of hours
and then went to bed. That was after a heart melting conversation with MANU.
Such a sweet and gentle soul. I feel this is my family.

11/20/07 Varkala

Well today, I planned to be in Goa on a retreat with my great friend and Mentor
Govindas and his lovely partner Radha. But, I am still in Varkala. No worries.
I woke late and did my sadahna just in time to get to the tailoring shop to
meet with Maggie for lunch. I intended to meet quickly and get back to get some
Internet things accomplished but ended up in a mirroring conversation with my
great friend. There are so many wonderful qualities that I see in this person
that I have been having a joyful time witnessing. We reflected on our similar
natures for quite some time, 2 and a half hours to be exact. We also swam and
spent a majority of time in the mind, figuring ourselves out through each other.
I realize my patterns so clearly when I spend ample amounts of time with one
person. It is a productive challenge. All my life I have been the most comfortable
with being by myself, meeting many people and developing wonderful relationships
on a surface level. When the relationship would get to point of emotion of challenge,
I would just part ways and look for the next person to meet. There is so much
growth and self-love that comes with facing your judgments and your battles
head on, with no fear. Nuff. Grateful!!!

So after our long talk we headed for food and by the time the food was finished
it was time to part ways. Maggie was going for Yoga and myself for the Internet.
I caught up on adding new addresses and then prepared for dinner with the North
Indian folk on the cliff. The weather had something else in mind so we ended
up diverting our plans to having dinner here in the Bohemian Marsala. Oh what
a lovely dinner it was, and, it just so happened to be North Indian Food that
was prepared. Love the flow. Maggie and I spent hours talking about everything
and nothing all at the same time. Our conversations can go on for some time
and I feel, at times, they are great knowledge sessions. It is a pleasure to
share this time. I thank the universe for the next stage in this journey. A
lovely, life inspired yogi that stems from the same branch of doer ship that
I construct in my home on the West. The mirroring sooths my soul and intrigues
my mind.

I then walked her to her room on the cliffs and walked back. About a 30-minute
journey under the moon and cloud filled sky. I watched remains of my old life
of partying and indulgence pass through the veil of my consciousness and for
a brief minute, I really wanted to walk in the late night pub, grab a drink,
and find which vulnerable woman I could take back to my den of love. This was…..just
a thought. I smiled and walked on….

11/21/07 Varkala

Today’s Sadahna was one to remember. 3 and a half hours of Yoga, Chi Gong,
Meditation, Pranayam , ect followed by an hour long swim in the ocean. You really
cannot beat it. I got back and organized some things and waited for my new friend
Maggie to arrive for our Journey to the Amma Ashram just 50 Kilometers North.
Well, as in most days in India, One thing led to another and I found myself
lying in a hammock finishing the Initiation. What a wonderful explorative journey
that book provides. A nice read, fluid and full on soul. I wish Donald, Prema
Baba, the best in his journey to transform the West. I believe he is already
doing an incredible job in his effort and non-effort as I am writing this. By
the time I finished the book and Maggie returned from the Internet café,
time has somehow escaped us and we found ourselves sipping tea and having Porata
at the place across the street from the Bohemian Masala. I have never tasted
something quite as amazing as a flakey, oil based indulgence of a Porata. This
friendly space spends all day constructing and spinning these incredible snack
breads for our greatest pleasure. Watching the art of Porata Making is a treat
on it’s own. I have never seen someone put so much effort into crushing
and expanding any flour based delicacy before in this lifetime. OH, and it was
sided with a banana fritter. MY GOD!!! Sweet, oily love. The inside gushes like
custard while the outer shell provides that much needed crunch for maximum sensory
pleasure.

Speaking of sensory pleasure. On this yogic journey there is a great need to
take the senses inward and let yourself experience the uncomfortable feeling
of wanting something so incredibly, but knowing that it is just a short term
fantasy.

11/22/07 - ?????
Today was lost from memory. A good thing!!

11/23/07 Varkala Temple

My trip into the Indian Culture just began today. 4:30 am we awoke and cleaned
ourselves for a trip to the rather large Temple that sits at the tip of the
road that we stay on. There was stillness in the air as we walked in for the
early Morning Prayer. There is an intimidation that happens when you walk into
your first Hindu Temple. Luckily, we had a brief rundown from Susan last night.
The rules go as follows. Walk in to Temple, go to outside prayer locations that
surround the middle temple, but do not enter the middle temple. So we walked,
prayed, walked, prayed and even followed the prayer group around for sometime
and then we rested upon the middle temple. Staring at the sacred space like
a lake filled with crocodiles in 100-degree weather, my energy built up in my
body. Yearning for just a moment inside the space. The energy was pouring out
of it, overflowing with love and devotion like nothing I have ever seen. But,
like a small child who has been told tale after tale of the punishment of entering
the dark corner of the map, I stood back. The Cuban friend from the evening
before even took the dive, taking off his shirt and complying with the code.
Oh well, I must just let it go. Tomorrow morning I shall partake.

Next, we grabbed a few things and prepared ourselves for the journey onto the
other side of cliff, where we would see and old Ramen Village and a deserted
beach. Our steps were slow and our minds remained still from the bliss of the
morning spirit lift. We walked on and stumbled on the house of one of the market
owners that I had become friendly with over the past couple of days.

The great thing about a small town: Walking down the street and waving hello
to every single shop owner, taxi driver, and local in town. It is like being
in the grace of love. I am deeply falling in love with the place and plan to
stay for some more time.
Any who, we arrived at his abode, an open air shanty housing 6 to 7 persons,
but uniquely charming. He offered us tea and respectfully we agreed to join
them in the venture. The tea was very nice, hot and sweet with no milk. BONUS.
We sipped our blessed tincture and smiled lovingly at the young children and
the mom’s mom’s mom’s moms and everyone else. He showed us
pictures of his children and pictures of his wedding day. The pictures of his
wedding struck a certain place inside as we witnessed the faces of the two newlyweds
gave a portrayal of agony. I believe this was an arranged marriage, so I sure
there is a lot that builds up to this moment and I could imagine how hard it
must be, under any circumstance, to know that this person of whom you do not
know, you will be spending the rest of your life with. The great thing was that
they both seemed very happy in love now and she had lost a substantial amount
of weight since the day of the wedding. It was quite an incredibly humbling
situation to see the life of a merchant in a tourist city still borders on complete
poverty. They seemed very happy with the simplified existence and that brought
a smile to my face as I thought of the family that it takes to keep it all together
and running smooth. These people probably experience stillness like I could
never imagine, or not. Who knows? SO hum, so what

.

We carried on down the road after the interaction, passing by one of the local
bathing pools. We engaged in some non-verbal communication and ended up on a
secluded beach, just a few kilometers from the Bohemian Masala. I made a valid
attempt to do my morning practice while Maggie slept and then we took a short
dip in what seemed like untouched waters. We walked south on the beach and ended
up in an old fishing village. Fishermen were tending to their nets as we walked
on by and they, in the special Indian way, suggested we join them in the morning
for some time out on the boat. With no promise made, we nodded and then trotted
on down through the village recognizing the abandoned shanties that lined the
beachfront. Maggie commented on the fact that she could never truly grasp the
depth of what it would be to experience these types of living situations. I
agreed. Our minds can come up with what we would feel and experience conceptually,
but by no means could we ever truly perceive the extent of what the life experience
would be under those conditions.

Finally we decided that hunger and thirst for a coconut was what we were feeling
so we walked up the bank and stepped gingerly down the road. Then, in Divine
order a gorgeous Indian woman with a full-faced smile came to us as we were
admiring a goat. First order of action that was taken, she offered us a coconut,
next, a banana and then she brought cereal. As we enjoyed the offerings, our
conscious minds new there was an intend behind all of this kindness, but, I
must admit, the love that omitted from these two incredible light beings had
me in a blissful state of presence for some time. The husband, tall and slender,
built like a pro surfer, shared his wisdom openly and truthfully. The couple
was exemplarily, putting the image of traditional Indian marriage on a whole
new level.

We were informed that their marriage was a love marriage, which clarified a
large amount of the grace that would flow through them. It was such a pleasure
to watch them work to speak English and do whatever was necessary to keep us
entertained and just when we were sure that this was all going to be a gift
of grace, a chance for us to experience a family that wanted to give all they
had without asking for something in return, they hit us with this: “Our
window is broken and robbers keep stealing our stuff, 2000 rupees please.”
This exchange became the topic of our conversation for quite some time. We reveled
in our consciousness about the extreme circumstances and what is the best way
to remedy this situation. It is hard to believe that the community in India
does not come together more often. I couldn’t help but wonder why they
could not get with someone in the community to help build the windows to protect
their house. Maggie and I agreed that we would love to help remedy their situation
but giving them money is only enabling more action of this manner. The last
thing we want to do is promote more begging. What we would like to promote is
more action in the community. Susan then versed us as to a mere fact; these
people do not help one another.

It was quite an emotional charged interaction and definitely played it’s
part in stirring up some great things inside of both of us. As always, I am
grateful.

The day carried on and my great friend and mirror for the last few days left
on a train up the coast. Blessings to the wonderful mirrors in our lives that
show us ourselves. When I arrived home, I was graced with the presence of the
Chilean girl, Carolina, from a few nights before.

Her friends that she had been traveling with for 2 months took off in separate
directions and she was left here for a few more days. This interaction would
play a part in mirroring a whole other side of this existence. She would come
in with claws and go after the need to please. We exchanged for many hours during
the night and the conversation ended up landing on the topic of AMERICA. She
described what her country thought of us, you can only imagine, and what she
personally thought. I respectfully sat with an open ear and an open heart and
acknowledged everything she had to say. Yes, many things were true for most
of America and many things were ignorant, broad comments on what has been shown
to the world in the media. She did raise some incredible points on what we do
subconsciously in our nature as Americans. We tend to believe in our hierarchy
in the world. I tell you, most of us haven’t a clue in the way we interact
towards others, and I must say this, is all stems from the way were raised.
We were raised in this generation knowing that America was the superpower of
the world. No matter how much of an awakening some have had, that consciousness
still sits in the back of our minds and we tend to see others in a different
light and do certain things just because we think we can. For example, my friend
Maggie borrowed a book from one of the nice Indian men from downstairs. This
book was a gift to him and he so gracefully let her borrow it, telling her that
he would need it back before she left. She agreed, but when the time came for
her to go, she found herself not done with novel. So, in an entitlement type
fashion she insisted on taking the book with her and sending the book to him
when she is finished. Now, when we take a good look at that, how disrespectful
and crass can one be? First of all, he lent her the book out of the kindness
of his heart. He could sell that book and make some money for his family, but
he chose to be sweet. In a slap in the face type fashion, my friend found herself
upset when he wanted it back and treated him with much demise. Now, it was her
responsibility to finish the book before she left, yet she did not and she felt
she was entitled to carry on with it, just because the book was given to him.
Well, if it was free for you, then why can’t I have the book? It is this
lack of respect and demand for personal gain that gives America a bad name.
Maybe we could be more aware. Also, I am not trying to come down on Maggie,
I was actually behind her point, but was gratefully astonished with this simple
subconscious habit was brought to my attention.

We also talked about the community in South American and being raised on the
action of give to those around you, i.e. Family and friends, first, and keep
nothing for yourself. It seems as though she was raised in a completely selfless
manner and when she would attempt to be selfish, her parents would make her
give more. On my end, if I did not get what I wanted then I screamed and shouted
and threw a fit. I cannot blame myself but only can take responsibility for
my action now. Many of us in the West are raised on the over exaggeration and
overcompensation for a childhood of the less fortunate in the earlier days of
modern American Society. Many of our parents were raised in broken families
that faced unspeakable acts of loveless ness. They were raised to become something,
a mold so to speak and when anything went wrong in the vision of the parent,
then actions were taken to punish and blame the child for the disruption of
the family peace. So, in turn, when the children became our parents, they took
the suffering and animosity that they experienced in their childhood and overcompensated,
thus creating the age of non-disciplined spoiled brats. This is just a generalization
and I know that many people were raised in a balanced family situation, but,
then again, I also know a lot of babies out there like myself that throw a dramatic
fit when things do not go their way. This is just that inner spoiled child at
action. Do your best to let those feelings rise and then let them pass, knowing
you are not that child anymore. And, this time around, when you have children,
remember the experience you had, take that into account and have a little more
balance and detachment in your parenting. Love with discipline. A child will
be lost in the world of sensory pleasure the tools of self-discipline and self-reliance
are not established at a young age. Who knows why I just went into a knowledge
session on parenting, I just did.

11/24/07 Varkala (Full Moon Ceremony)

We woke up a little early and Carolina prepared for her departure out of Varkala
to he east. I have become a little like a motorcycle shuttle service. This will
be the second day in a row that I take someone to the train station. All good,
we shared a nice breakfast and some moments in the villages and then she was
off. Thank you again for sending another great teacher in this stream of awareness.

They day carried on and I spent some quality time on the beach, reading, swimming
and doing my thing and then I jumped up and grabbed my things and went to a
Full Moon Incas Ceremony. I arrived about 5 minutes after everyone had set off
to the destination. I grabbed a map and headed back to LOVE, and then, in the
darkness arrive, Claire, one of my friends from the Art of Living Ashram. We
were unquestionably ecstatic to see each other, and in such an interested place.
Claire will instantly become another Mirror. It is astonishing to me, one after
another, the people come in that need to teach you the great lessons you must
know about yourself. After a 15-minute chat, she ran off to shower and I headed
to the ceremony that was just about finishing when I arrived. The Ceremony consisted
of an established chant and people setting their intentions for the next moon
cycle by blowing into a stick and then placing it into the fire while being
sheltered by someone near. Unfortunately, I was not able to release my intention
during the ceremony, but fortunately, I was given the change to do it right
afterward. Everyone formed the circle again for me and began to play the drum
and I was able to release my intention, and I must say, two days later, it is
in the workings.

Afterwards, I chatted with a few people and then met an incredible man, whose
take on Yoga is very similar to the expression that I wish to teach. We spent
a great amount of time-sharing ideas and then, it just so happened that he had
the same bike as me and………The Owners Manual. Oh, thank GOD.
Traveling without an awareness of how to fix this bike would be a complete disaster.
Just another gift in the great story of traveling spontaneity.

Then I cycled off into the distance and met Claire for a time. While she was
on the bike, for the short time that she was, the engine died a few times. Great,
just bought bike, broken engine. Luckily, I am still in town with the people
who sold me the bike and they will literally call someone at 11pm at night to
fix it if necessary. Wish I could take them on the road with me. I know that
I will not be going anywhere until that bike is up and running for at least
a week.

Claire and I had dinner at the Temple Junction where we would share on our feelings
about the Art of Living and about our troubles in leaving the Ashram. She had
an extremely similar experience when she was in the process of leaving. It was
good to share on our points about the guilt that comes up when stepping away
(physically) from the master for a while. There is this feeling that sets in
you like that of leaving the womb. You feel naked in the world even though the
Master is there at all times. We could have gone all night long on this topic
alone, but we chose to pray, eat and move in the direction of openness toward
our respective journeys. I do believe that some spirits are meant to remain
in service to one place, for lifetimes and others are meant to experience the
world, sharing and caring along that way. I will stay grounded in the latter.

After dinner, Claire and I went home to catch some sleep before an early morning.
There was only one particular problem; Claire needed to be walked home and there
was a lightning storm on the rise. I took a few deep breaths and went for the
journey. Along the way, my senses clinched in nervousness like walking through
a supposed unsafe neighborhood at 12am. The words that came out of her mouth
were reflected off of my strained emotional state but I continued to walk. Somewhere,
early in my life, I either heard a story or had a close encounter with a lightning
bolt because my fear is ponderous on that matter. After we arrived at her place,
she felt a sense of being wide-awake and acknowledged my fear, so in her calm
and sweet Australian demeanor, she walked me back home. This time we took the
beach route and my fear increased as we now walked close to the vast open sea.
As we arrived near to my place of residence, something inside of me was hanging
onto the fear, wanting to release it into the universe, so, we made a u turn
and walked back to the beach in an effort to sit in the storm, fearless, and
attuned to the grace of God to guide the way. We walked out onto what possibly
could have been the most open place possible and had a seat. Our conversation
finally became present and the storm became a distant rival. I will have to
wait for the next one to sincerely walk through this block in my life. Finally
we went to sleep in gratitude.

11/25/07 Varkala (Shop Owner’s House Lunch)

This morning I awoke at 7am and quickly got prepared for the journey down the
beach to do Yoga. Claire was a few minutes late but grabbed me on my way back
down to my place to get some shorts. What really went through my head was that
I wanted this morning to go my way and do Yoga on the beach by my place. I quickly
surrendered a different outcome and we walked on and on and on and on and on.
We literally walked about 5 or 6 Kilometers down the winding cliffs. We had
a chance to help some local fisherman bring in the morning catch, about 25 silverfish
to be honest. Although I could not understand their words, their body language
led me to believe that they just spent 4 hours and there was not even 1 fish
per man. Ouch. Like most things in India, I am sure they moved on, instantly.
By the time we arrived in a suitable destination there was only time for a quick
series of postures and sadahna with a short breakfast. Our destination was a
quant little cove buried in a thick coconut pasture. We were admired or just
looked at like aliens by some local village boys during our Yogic Journey. During
the walk I realized that my foot was hurting tremendously from the evening before,
when I kicked a rock. I ended up leaving before she because I had a lunch appointment
with one of the shop owners at his local village house. On the way back I walked
slowly, conversing with a few local people and helping the pick up a hundred
pound log and throw it in the back of a truck. It was a practice of staying
present in the now, rather then wandering what I am doing and what I am going
to do for the rest of the day, week, month, years that I will be traveling.
The mind loves to plunder its way from the present moment at all times. This
completely takes away from the enjoyment of just walking on a cliff in the middle
of a foreign country. Mine was going back to service. Why am I not servicing
right now? Or, am I servicing by this experiential journey into the oneness
of life. Only time will tell. I guess, for now, I will just continue to do what
I am doing, traveling and being.

I got home with about an hour to spare so I headed into the town bakery to grab
some goodies for the lunch commitment. On the way, Hanuman stop going twice
and then the gears began to tighten up. You can only imagine the dismay I was
feeling but did my best to be present. On the first time that it died, I was
quickly surrounded by some local people that helped me to get the bike back
on the road. They did with such grace and told me, in broken English, that there
was too much petrol going to the engine at one time. After some time I realized
it must be the choke. I left it on in the morning start, I believe.

I finally got back just in time and I headed over on the bike with a bag full
of sweets in my hand. When we arrived, lunch was served. The guest first, the
neighbors and cousins second and the house owners last. The lunch was a tantalizing
Thali full of Dahl, rice, and of course about 6 portions that I have no clue
the names of. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experienced and was entertained
by the Indian Music Television that was on during the whole meal. I was not
the only guest today. There was actually a French woman that joined us. Bright
Eyed and cheerful, full of majestic qualities and calm in her sense of awareness.
She has nothing to prove, nothing to be, she is happy making a few dollars during
7 months of the year and traveling during the remainder of that time. Although
I was not graced with the offering, she mentioned that she was a writer. From
her presence, I can unquestionably foresee her work as being great. We shared
in light conversation, enjoying that fact that we had some company to share
this moment with.

After lunch, the white sugar devil came into my mind. I quickly made a mad dash
for town and bought up some of the goodies that I shared at the gathering. Over
the past month and a half, I honestly do not believe there has been a day that
has gone by when I have not ingested an ample amount of white sugar. It is everywhere
and the sweets are like nothing I have ever tasted in my life. I think the sugar
in them is what makes them so powerful. They must have 100 grams in each bite.
Well, after today’s ridiculous intake of epic proportions, I decided that
I must put a rest to this over consumption of Indian food and sweets. Ever since
I have been here, I have been completely overcome with a craving for the Indian
taste. My days are designed around my next meal and there are overpowering periods
of emotion tied to every meal. Like the pipe to an addict, I plot my next fix
strategically, making sure my commitments are flexible enough to escape for
that soul filling taste of Porota or Ladu, an mouth watering sweet. I east banana
chips by the pound, honey peanut clusters by the bunch and sesame balls by the
dozen. It must stop!!! It will.

11/26/07 Varkala

They say to overcome this insatiable desire for White sugar, it takes 27 days.
Today is day 1. I obviously have no self control or balance so the best thing
for now is to come off of it, cold turkey. I woke up today feeling a bit destroyed.
I think I overdid it the last couple of days and the soars on my feet are causing
me a good deal of pain. Today I will fast. Reading the Baghvad Gita, Yogasara
Upanashad, another book by Thich Nat Hahn, and Kite Runner. I have also spent
more time writing and am finally caught up on my journaling. What a blessing.
Thank you so much for the time and space. I love to love to love to love. Now
I will get together the posts for the next blog, my teacher training.

During the evening time I began to feel something stir in my emotional states
that reminded me of an extremely dark time in my life. A time when I spent my
days in agony worried about me and only me. I am feeling like I must activate
myself in some sort of service project or else I could sink into a deep state
of worry and fear again. I started to think about all the many projects that
I was working on back at home and how they are excelling and how I am out here
doing nothing to service humanity and only things to service me. I made a strong
pact with myself that I was going to spend some time doing nothing, yet I cannot
even spend 1 day by myself without feeling a darkness come over me. Oh well,
we will see where I am guided on this path. Possibly straight into service of
some type. Another thing that is playing with my mind is all the talents that
have been blessed upon me and I am holding them in out here, not willing to
share. I have been quite intimidated in this part of the world. I picked up
a book and let my mind go into the story.

11/27/07 Varkala

Wow, for the first time in about a year, I spent the night tossing and turning.
Something is stirring inside. Either it is the white sugar detox or the fact
that I must get involved in some type of work while I am out here. I am praying
the answer will come in a short time or I will just watch myself experience
the darkness again. Who really is experiencing the darkness? I am coming into
a space of inward indulgence. Wow, food then myself. It is looking like I need
something to attack at all times. This will be a great test of the Yogic journey.
Here we go. I am going to attempt to do some practices now. This time too shall
pass.

I spent a great part of the day with this dear old friend of mine, depression.
I was blistering every single great plan and Idea I had for my journey out here.
I was missing my home life and all the support and love that I receive from
all angles back home and wondering why, in the light of such great successes,
would I ever journey away from the what had been created. I thought about The
Love Of My Life for the first time in a while. Everything seemed to be coming
to a head, making my life out here extremely small. Soon, going to town, 2 Kilometers
away, seemed like a great leap. I settled into reflection on a time once past,
when I did not sleep for 4 months and when getting up to relieve myself seemed
like some great milestone. OH GOD, this cannot happen in India, no way. I was
feeling like going home. What will I do here with this sense of fear and anxiety
about and future endeavor. Should I go and work, should I just chill out and
do nothing, should I meditate. What can I DO to make this change. My answer
came shortly after.

In the midst of analyzing my life back home and its many faucets I realized
many things and the biggest one was, I was completely happy with my life back
home. So, now what is this journey for. Back home I am challenged, loved, respected,
constantly working, creating and offering, surrounded by amazingly inspiring
people, and the list could go on for days. I know I work very hard and I spend
a lot of time working, but in that, I have an ample amount of time for myself.

I realized while looking at myself through the outer space microscope that I
am a man of action. A man who is very happy providing for his people, creating
projects to inspire, playing music for the masses, organizing events that will
brings thousands together. I realized a couple hours to myself every morning
is all I need to give to the world with an open heart and an open soul and if
on occasion I don’t get that time, then I would rather be sharing myself
then holding in. So back to the reason I am on this quest. Expansion. India
breaks you down like nothing I have ever seen. Shows you your limits and tests
your every agitation in ways you never thought were imaginable. Everything that
is happening right now is a test for the center. Can I remain in balance through
adversity, or am I going to freak out and crawl into a hole or try and run away
and do nothing. There is nothing our there that can leave me feeling emptier
then doing NOTHING. There are many teachings that I feel are in the near future
and luckily, I am in this incredibly safe space to experience my welcome mat
to India. This journey is here now and will continue to grow.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a few hours and then went to a very
silent place, minus the waves crashing at my feet, where I could do some meditation
during sunset.

Afterward, clear. I must spend a great deal of time on the move, it is in my
nature and in my energy field to be moving, creatively and energetically. Today,
I experienced stagnation and I was detoxing as well. I am positive that that
had a major play in the happening. Anyways the night carried on and I played
some guitar and read many pages in this incredible book, The Kite Runner. What
a blessing.

11/28/07 Varkala (Claire’s Birthday)

Morning. Up at 5;30am and had the notion to do something special for my friends
birthday. So I did my morning practice for about 2 and a half hours and rounded
up some of the people working here, made a fruit plate and brought my friend
breakfast in bed. What a way to start the day. Then I went to town and dealt
with a few things, like getting a train ticket to Nasik for a Yes + course.
Yeah. Looking forward. 36-hour journey. $14. WOW. Then I had to get very aggressive
on an Indian man as he tried to take my change from one of the fruit vendors
in town. He told me he would kill me, so I just roared like a lion at him and
he backed off. It was quite cute. The amazing thing about it out here is the
aggressive nature of the people, but when it comes to physical violence, the
line is drawn. It is quite a game. Indian man approaches, grabs you and pleads
for your money. You look him in the eyes with intent to smash him into the ground,
he shies like a little puppy and walks away. It has happened twice to me already.
I think I will probably get used to it very soon. The day went on incredibly,
catching up on many things and enjoying every moment. At night, we had the most
incredible meal I have had yet in India. A woman located in a place that was
impossible for a tourist to find, opens up her place all day and invites tourist
for lunch, breakfast and dinner. He chose the dinner route. The venue, which
looked like many village shanties, was the home of the most authentic, well-balanced
and harmonious meal that I have had yet in India. Banana curry, 2 different
varieties of Rice, 2 dahls, and about 7 other glorious dishes that were beyond
my mental comprehension, but my taste buds were more then fulfilled. We spent
about an hour indulging in this woman’s grace, relaxing into the full
body flavor and mild spice like a welcomed treat. Her smile was that of a hearty
Karelan Woman, she almost looked identical to Amma the Karelian hugging guru.
The offering was donation based and due to my nature of respecting this profound
was of offering, I gave a generous amount for her efforts. I will be back.

The rest of the night was spent walking, playing music and reading and talking
with Susan. I am in Love. What an amazing soul. Great topper.

Oh yeah, today we planned a party for Saturday Night. Can’t wait.

11/29/07 Varkala (Shree Narayana Guru Temple)

5:30am wake up again. Nice. Did a quick sadaha on the beach and then went to
the Ashram of Shivgiti or Sree Narayana Guru.

Our travel over there was Divine ordinance. We walked outside and the owner
of the Bohemian Masala, Susan was just about to take her boy to school, so she
drove us half way and then, as soon as we stepped out of the car we hear the
bus driver yell Shivagiti to us, on account of my yellow clothing, more in a
second. So, we spent 8 rupees and got there the same amount of time that it
would have taken in a rickshaw for 50 rupees. Every little bit counts. The temple
was a palace of yellow. Still in it’s demeanor and very constructed and
local in its attendance. We were the only international travelers on the facility
and to be honest, without any understanding of the man behind this great space,
I found it just a peaceful place of meditation. We were served a small breakfast
and walked through the code of conduct while praying at a temple. My experience
was extremely enriched when I was able to pick up some writing about this great
man. He was a man of reform, helping to abolish the caste system in Karela.
I was astounding when I began reading of the caste system and the values and
non-values and immorality of the structure. My soul wept as I pondered the fact
that, in this state, people were under this spell of great injustice for more
then 1000 years and in many parts of the country there still exists a system
in which certain people are not allowed any of the life style traits of a simple
average person. Certain people in certain levels of the system cannot come within
feet or even within sight of certain people. The people of the lower caste sectors
have unfathomable taxes like, a tax on breast size. Children of Low Caste Order
could not go near their fathers and fathers had no responsibility for their
children after being born. Lower caste civilizations were not allowed to enter
Temples, cook food for anyone, or use umbrellas in public. Basically these people
were stripped of all human rights and action. I was dumbfounded by this information.
To think that there were and still are people in the world that are that narrow
minded to think that because you are born in a certain class or people, you
can be stripped of your rights as a human. Blows my mind completely. Shiva Giti
took the necessary steps to abolish this by building temples for classless prayer,
building schools for all to learn and building moral by providing organizations
of Low Caste People to come together and stand up. I also took to the fact that
he studied years to become a master, spent 6 years in meditation, and slowly
worked his way into self-empowerment. He grew up as anyone else in a middle
class sector and from a young age found no separation in any person he came
in contact with. What a blessing it must have been to know such a Shiva destroyer
of Social Structure. God Bless this man!! DID!!!

After our Visit to the Temple, Claire and I went into town and gathered some
vegetables and fruits for the days to come. My diet is going through a big change
as I must take a step away from the sugar and fried foods. For the last few
days I have been blessing my body with living foods, well, as living as they
get in India. There is a complete shift in my level of energy if I keep myself
in the stream of fruits in the morning and veggies throughout the day. Then
I am White Cosmic Wind. We arrived back at the hotel after a long walk back
and Claire disappeared into the kitchen. That would be the last time I would
see her for a few days. Claire is young Australian girl who is having many transformations
on her journey out her in the East. She is sweet, loving and kind but is battling
the norms of the small mind and it reflects in her energy tone. This is one
situation that just needed to be walked away from. The explanation will come
over the passing weeks in her journey.

To my greatest joy, my beautiful bike was waiting for me when I got home from
the journey. After a conversation with Susan yesterday I realized one thing,
I was not treating my bike like it was mine. I was just running around on it,
trying to get places and getting frustrated when things were going wrong. What
the bike was trying to tell me was, you are not respecting me as an Equal. Many
people may have a judgment against me when I stream the next few thoughts but
this is my honest belief. All things are energy, from the mechanical to the
biological, all is one. How many times has your car started after you released
yourself from the situation and surrendered. All things need love and adoration
and if I am going to be spending a great deal of time with this new found friend
of mine, then I better take a little time out and connect myself to this entity.
I began to realize that these small problems were not problems with the bike,
they were problems with my relation to the bike. So, I gave the bike a ceremony.
A puja so to speak. I got some flowers and incense, the sticker that Maggie
got me, and some fresh fruit and went down to my favorite beach and had an offering
for the bike. I spent time connecting to the bike, connecting the bike to nature
and connecting all together. I must say it felt extremely fulfilling. After
the ceremony, there was a moment, one that will be repeated over the next couple
of days where, I felt the bike and I shared a heartbeat. Honestly, this offering
changed the relationship and for the first time, I am ready to explore the country
on this vessel of love, which is protected by Shiva. Oh blessed universe!!

After the ceremony, I decided to go for thali at my favorite little place in
town. Directly following, I would meet a new journey mate for the remainder
of the day. I pulled into a gas station and saw a familiar face. One of those
faces you see and you know you have spent a great deal of time in this life
or a past life with them. So, we looked at each other, shared the “I Know
You” phrase and ended up chatting for a great amount of time in the station.
Then, he came back to my hotel and we chatted for some more time. Then I took
him to my favorite beach and we made out while watching the sunset….ha
ha….no, we shared many inspiring moments and conversation. A true brother.
Kaya is his name. We had a plan to have some Italian food with some of the people
that he was traveling with and it fell through so he came back to my place and
I made some fresh vegetables and Dahl and we chatted for another few hours.
Sharing on consciousness, the Mayan Calendar, and streams of inspiring thoughts
that deeply connected me to this person. After that, we went to Joe Cools café,
the Rastafarian Indian Man who houses stoners and cooks late night food for
all the munchies infused Marijuana Junkies. It was quite a chill space and again,
Kaya and I spend another 3 hours talking about the world. Life in travels. You
can explore so much of yourself in depth through your connections with these
beings. I am sure my friend and I will be exploring the likes of Service in
the near future as we find ourselves on very similar paths. Thank you Divine
for the connect.

In the middle our discussion at Johnnie Cools, we hear the blissful sound of
harmonious thumping outside the window and as we stepped out into the RAIN,
our souls lifted in pure joy for this bathing of love from above. I am becoming
an enormous fan of the rain here in India. It in undeniable one of the greatest
experiences when the rain comes down just at the point when you need a natural
blessing, and you are hot as hell!!

Back to Kite Runner!!

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